For those of you that don’t know, the Rugby World Cup is just starting. Now don’t be fooled into thinking that this is anything like the real World Cup - the football one - because there’s really only 8 countries in the whole world where this bizarre giant-peanut carrying is actually taken as a serious sport. And one of those countries is, of course, Ireland. Proof if ever any was needed that a sport should not be taken seriously is the fact that Ireland could possibly win something at it.
However, seeing as more than 8 teams are needed to make a World Cup actually look the part, the World Rugby Federation or whatever it’s called has beefed up the competition with lots of fake teams who are only there to get battered by 7ft tall New Zealanders live on telly. Rugby powerhouses such as Portugal, Japan, Canada and the USA will do battle with Ireland, France and South Africa for the ultimate prize.
Another one of those teams is the traditional rugby hotbed of…..yes, that’s right, Romania. Not only do these poor fuckers actually come from one of the worst countries on the planet, get to wear old curtains as clothes and have gold teeth installed at birth, they also have to shoulder the huge embarassment of going to the World Cup kitted out in an O’Neills tracksuit. The Romanian Rugby Federation has signed a contract with the shit Walkinstown based sports manufacturer to kit their hapless grunts out in horrible, warm, restrictive polyester for the next two years. (Well it’s actually Milbro, O’Neill’s even cheaper offshoot, which is even more pathetic). That should help their performances no end.
Anyone who’se gone to Croke Park on a mildly warm afternoon wearing a county jersey will know how shit O’Neills gear acually is. After 3 minutes standing still, your will begin to sweat profusely, stink like a heap of wet rotting onions, and will become highly electrically charged due to being in contact with 10,000 other polyester clad sweatbags. While decent sports manufacturers like the Evil Nike Corporation (C), Adidas and the main rugger gear makers Canterbury are adding all these breathable micro fibres and air holed gusset enhancers on all of their gear, O’Neills and Azzuri - the two Irish companies with contracts to kit out the GAA - are trying to dehydrate as many Irish sportsmen as they can in order to keep the GAA’s lucrative contract with Lucozade Sport alive and well.
I fear for Romania wearing that shite. I really do.
Still though, that’s what they get for sending all those smelly theiving Gypsies over to desecrate our beautiful motorway roundabouts. And if yis do it again, we’re going to kit your Gymnastics team out in Flahavans tracksuits.
That’s revenge, baby! Irish style!
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