So what’s happening out there in the world outside of the pub? Someone tell me. Cos I don’t have a fucking clue. I haven’t read a paper in about a week and haven’t seen the news in even longer. And to be honest, it doesn’t make much difference to my life, except that it gives me nothing to write about here.
However, someone offered me a paper today as I was leaving work. Having left my book about Zombies at home and having nothing to read on the bus, I took them up on the offer. It was the Herald. Now, I wouldn’t usually wipe my hole with the Evening Herald, but I thought ‘there must be something of interest in it’ seeing as I was essentially oblivious to the goings on in the world for the last 7 days or so.
Well there wasn’t.
I don’t honestly know who the paper is aimed at, but judging from the amount of fucking whole page ’self help’ articles like ‘Ginko Baloba Saved My Life’, pointless human interest bollocks, sob stories about stupid people who fucked their lives up and want your pity and articles about celebrities hangover cures (Joe Duffy uses Rubex and Solpedeine, folks, make a note of that) I can safely assume that whoever it is, they have a spare chromasome or two.
Add to that a two (or three if we’re really lucky) page ’society’ spread where a bunch of gormless fuckwits with orange skin and silver dresses pout blankly at the camera while holding drinks that look like they wouldn’t get a gnat pissed, about 25 pages of classified ads and some TV pages and you have yourselves the basic contents of the Evening Herald.
Actually, it’s cheaper to buy the Herald than it is to buy bog roll. Maybe they could do an article about that.
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well said sir
cheers. It really is a pointless excercise in ‘ journalism’
So I see that 2008 didn’t bring any cheer! Don’t worry, be happy.
you’re so fuckin joyless! would you not post something nice for the new year, no? go on, try it. you might like it.
Be careful wiping your arse, as the Heralrd use very cheap print. I went around for days with a picture of a dead drug junkie on my arse
Noted.