The Sheriff’s In Town
Ah January. It really is the shittiest of months. Ever since New Years Eve, it’s been snowing, raining, freezing, raining some more, there was a bit of a ‘Dublin Tsunami’ across the city centre yesterday afternoon when foul smelling water flooded up from the drains because of the ridiculously Biblical downpour and briefly transformed Dublin into Venice, washing junkies and beggars down the Luas tracks like nylon clad gondolas.
Also, our office (yes, I do actually work somewhere) held our Christmas lunch today. There were 12 of us altogether (me being the youngest by some 20 years, and one of only two men and three drinkers). It was shit. And we all had to pay €25 for the experience.
But through all the misery, reading this in the Irish Times today made me smile. And after that, it made me laugh.
Everyone’s had to deal with solicitors at some stage in their life, or at least they will. Whether because you need to get off that tricky murder rap, need to fanagle a few grand out of some unlucky motorist who grazes the back of your car, whether you want to get on the property slide ladder, or simply need a ‘dig-out’ because you’ve spent all your money on executive boxes at Old Trafford, it’s a fact of life. And for the most part, they’re a bunch of incompetent shites who seem to have shoehorned themselves into a position of influence and relative power for doing, basically, some low level admin work, using copy and paste on Microsoft Word, generally making stuff up and then charging you several thousand quid for the service, no matter how small.
But today, this most miserable of January’s wet Wednesdays, we’ve all been given reason to smile. Because the Sheriff – yes folks – the fucking Sheriff of Dublin City, raided the homes of two of the country’s most corrupt and underhand Solicitors, Thomas Byrne & Michael Lynn, and basically left them without a pot to piss in, in order to recoup some of the €127m that they owe to financial institutions accross the country.
The Times reports that, with the help of a locksmith (proof that this is possibly the coolest news story ever to feature the word ’solicitor’ in the history of time) the Sheriff and his staff – presumably called a posse – siezed items such as “50 inch plasma screen TVs, 8-10 cases of reasonably good French wine…chairs, tables, mirrors, a washing machine, tumble dryer and microwave…a Bang & Olufson TV and a rug”.
The goods will now be sold at auction.
Fill your boots boys and girls! There’s bound to be some good shit on the go. I bagsy the Bang & Olufson.
That “reasonably good French wine” quote was the best bit! You can see the boys there talking to the press – “Ah, Jaysus, he might have fooled the banks and the Law Society, but he’s no bleedin’ wine connoisseur!”
nylon clad gondolas… snicker.
I was just about to say what Jim did about the ‘reasonably good french wine’ but I won’t cause he did.
What kind of ouitfit has it’s staff pay for their own Christmas lunch more than two weeks after Christmas – in the middle of a working day ?
Go see a solicitor !
You didn’t read the whole article OFTR. When the Sheriff and his posse got into the houses they found that they had been cleared out of all the really good stuff and only what the crims didnt want was left.
that’s quality writing right there………hope you tipped on top of your 25 large……
Manuel, I always tip!
I also find myself using LOLCats with posts. Damn, if they don’t have one for every occasion/scenario.
I have to take full credit for that one medbh! it’s 100% OFTRofl.