Fucking Technology

I hate technology.

When everyone else was buying MP3 players, I was weaning myself off CDs by buying a Minidisc player.

Finally last year I bought an MP3 player, and it died after about 8 months. I fucked it in a bin one day after it froze for the umpteenth time that day. I couldn’t be arsed even finding out if it could be fixed or not. I presume it couldn’t. And besides, I’d no receipt and the warranty was in the box that was lost in the big move last July.

So I decided that I needed to buy a new one, because the only spare music player in the gaff was one of those ’shuffle’ MP3 players which are the most stupid thing in the world, and are only used by people who don’t like music.

So I bought a Creative Zen Vision M 30Gig MP4 player. What a fucking mouthful. It hardly trips off the tongue like ‘walkman’ does it?

Anyway, it arrived the other day, and I did what I presumed you’re meant to do and installed the shitload of software that came with it, and connected it up to the laptop via the USB cable. Nothing happenned. The screen was as blank as Pat Kenny’s facial expression when asked to identify Jerry Seinfield from a line up. So I left it alone for a while, safe in the knowledge that the blinking blue light meant that it was charging away.

Eventually the screen lit up, and I opened the Creative software package to transfer all of the fantastic music that has been joyously and illegally whipped off the internet over the last few months to my new toy. ‘Why, this is a piece of piss’ I thought to myself. ‘Much better than that poxy Sony Sonic Stage that I had to use for my last MP3 player.

Disconnecting it after everything had transferred, I decided to try and find my way around the player. I was like a kid on Christmas day who insists on setting up his Scalextrix set in the kitchen as his ma cooks the dinner.

10 seconds later the fucking bastard machine told me “BATTERY LOW!!” and promptly died.

Bollocks.

Plugged the USB back in to charge it up again. But obviously it doesn’t work this time. After scouring the pathetic Creative website, as well as forums like anythingbutipod.com I discovered that this is a common problem. Apparently the battery arrives ’severely depleted’ and that the charge that runs through a USB cable isn’t powerful enough to kickstart it.

What a pile of cock. The real piece of kit you need tocharge it from scratch is an AC wall charger. Obviously this doesn’t come with it. I mean, why would anyone who buys an MP3 player want to charge it?

So I had to get a loan of a mate’s AC wall charger in order to charge the battery from it’s dead state.

It took me 3 days to get my hands on a charger, and I plugged it in. No dice. The blue light is on, but it isn’t flashing, which means it isn’t charging. The Creative website tells you that if this is the case, you have to download some new updated software for the MP3 player and install it. However, what the fucking muppets fail to grasp is that MY MP3 PLAYER IS DEAD AND WON’T CHARGE SO I CAN’T VERY WELL INSTALL ANYTHING ON IT CAN I?

Also their customer service is a load of fetid ball sweat that involves some chump called Keith emailing me links to their patheticly unhelpful website ’solution pages’ which includes snippets of fantastic advice like ‘Problem: Your Creative Zen Vision M is not charging via wall charger or USB. Screen is blank. Solution: try using another USB port. Install new software.”

Cunts. 

So it’s being returned to the poxbottle company out in fucking Blanchardstown that sold it to me along with a steaming freshie in a plastic bag, courtesy of me, in order for it to be replaced. And bear in mind that I’ve been drinking Guinness religiously since Friday.

In all it will have taken me about 3 weeks in total once I get the replacement sent out.

Fucking technology. It’s a massive pile of cock.

 

ps – i fully grasp the irony of me complaining about technology via a blog written on a laptop so if anyone points this out I will IP ban them for life and put a brick through their winow.  In a perfect world, this would be written with ink on paper and posted on a noticeboard for all to read.

~ by oftroad on March 31, 2008.