New measures to help combat hard working, tax paying, grown up and responsible Irish adults going out and enjoying themselves were announced by some fat prick minister today.
You see, all the problems in this country are down to 20 and 30 somethings getting wrecked at the weekends, having a bit of a dance, eating shit food on the street and having sex with each other. It’s this year’s global warming.
So in a move described as some Dail spokesperson or other as ‘not being that of a nanny state whatsoever, no siree bob uh uh’ they’ve decided to close the offies at 10pm and shut the Gaeity and the Viper ROom in Dublin at 2am instead of 3.30.
It’s as if that cunt Michael McDowall never left us.
However, for those of you who feel cheated - espescially those of you who have just turned 18 and feel you’ll be missing out on all the fun that your elder, bearded betters have had since the dawn of the Celtic tiger, here’s a handy solution that you can cut out and keep. Or maybe post it on your bebo, or i-wap it to your G-blog as you see fit.
There you have it. Complicated stuff I’m sure you’ll agree. Either keep your fridge well stocked with assorted bottles of beer, wine, Jaegermeister and Buckfast and imbibe copious amounts before you go out, or just pretend to be Polish and drink cans on the street after work.
Failing that, maybe try taking some hard drugs. Cocaine is quite popular these days I believe, why not give it a whirl!
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I’ll do it! Thanks for the sound advice.
thats what i’m here for
At times like these I ask myself “what would Jesus do?”. Jesus often turned water to wine so I’m going to follow in his footsteps and put a poitín still in my back garden. He also ate lots of bread, probably to soak up some the hard stuff before work( healing leppers etc)
I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to i-wap in public.
Something seems to wrong with your page.
Getting a message saying “a script on this page is causing Internet Exp to run slowly”.
Page does seem to be very slow.
I actually feel more inclined to mega-stock up on booze because of this, even though I cannot remember the last time I hit the Offy after 10, as I like to be drunk for most of the day and would usually be in a skip by then. It’s the whole Good Friday effect. Take something away, we want it more. And we get it. And the irony in the cocaine part was lovely. There’s no closing time on Cocaine sales.. what a cuntbunch of a government
There is a solution although it’s a bit of a regression back to the teenage years - but then what piss-up isn’t? .
1. Go to offie early in evening. Buy carry-out.
2. Hide carry-out in bush carefully chosen for its appearance of not being likely to contain a carry-out.
3. Proceed to pub
4.Proceed to club (if desired)
5. Return to bush after argument about where it is and retrieve carry out.
6. Stumble home and pass out forgetting about carry-out you went to all that trouble for, getting stabbed in the ear by a twig in the process.
7. Wake up next morning
8.Look at carry-out.
9. Vomit.
i just turned 18 so I am very thankful for your diagram of what I should do, I have scanned it, laminated it and will bring it out with me next weekend to test.
Ahhhhh alcyhol ….the cause of ……and solution to …alll of lifes problems
thats the spirit B’dum B’dum!!
Sam, that reminds me of when I won a bottle of whiskey at a karaoke. Went on to some club, so I carefully hid it outside a newsagents. Went back the next day and it was gone. I went into the shop - “eh….did you find a bottle of whiskey here today when you were opening up?”
They said no.
Jackie, download Mozilla Firefox and use it instead of IE. Firefox rules. It’s much better.
I reckon Jesus would be a great man to have on a session. Cheap night too I reckon.
Hey, what the fuck is that link up there /\ ?
I didn’t put it there, it links to someone elses blog because it’s ‘possibly related’.
WordPress cunts.
i didn’t even notice the link til you pointed it out.
i thought the wordpress cunts are better than the blogger cunts?
i think they are
Yeah, they have Brazillians.
Haha, love the kitty on his back!
Just came back from Prague where the clubs don’t really seem to close (maybe around 5.30am) and… I did not see one fight, only one guy in five nights that looked like he was stupidly drunk - and he was British on a stag - and absolutely shag-all mobs of people hanging about fast food joints.
I say; remove the fast food joints. Removes the mobs getting together after being tossed out of a club.