Being the only person in the country who has actually read the Lisbon Treaty - you know, the thingy that 30% of the population are going to vote on in a few days - I thought I’d fill you in on some the major points, in laymans terms..
1. It contains something about coropration tax. I don’t know what that is.
2. It mentions something about a European presidency or something. I don’t know what that means.
3. It may or may not mention croissants. Hopefully it does. Free ones.
4. It probably also mentions goulash. It is 2008 you know.
5. It also kind of mentions something about an army. I couldn’t follow that bit. I got chocolate all over article 2A subsection B(ii) because I was dunking penguin bars in my tea. Actually, I was biting the top and bottom off the bar and sucking the scald up through the penguin ’straw’ that I had just created. Deliciously messy.
However, most of you will already have heard about most of these dull, and basically unimportant issues and will have chosen to ignore them in your pursuit of I-Phones, calculator watches and cheap booze.
And so you should.
Because there is a much more serious issue at stake here, something will affect us all in ways far greater than lowering (or highering? thats not even a word is it?) corporation tax ever could.
You remember Italia 90? Ole Ole Ole and all that malarky? Packie Bonner and Ronnie Whelan and all them lot? Remember the craic? Great wasn’t it? Member when we bet the Brits 1-1?
You also remember 1994 in the US of A, when we humiliated the Italians in Giant Stadium, and a nation cheered as John Aldridge told a fat yank in a blue suit to fuck off live in front of a global auience of 37 Billion? Fantastic wasn’t it?
And remember Robbie Keane in 2002 sticking it to the Horrible Hun in Japan? Or that cute little Damien Duff doing his little oriental celebration? Remember the all day drinking sessions cos the games started at 7 in the morning, much to Roy Keane’s displeasure? Course you do. We all do. And we want more of them.
Thats why the FAI appointed Giovanni Trapattoni. To put us back on top of the world.
But wait! Whats this? Sepp Blatter - he’s the big cheese down at the FIFA factory - has decided that he wants all teams playing in Europe (like Man Utd or St Pats) to reduce their numbers of foreign players from as many as they want down to 5 within the next 5 years. This means that Irish heroes like Paul McShane, John O’Shea Roy O’Donovan and Kevin Kilbane - on whose majestic shoulders our very success rests - will be kicked out of their respective Premiership clubs to make way for some spotty faced English hooligan in order for the clubs to meet these new criteria.
UEFA tried this back in the 1990’s - when virtually every English club featured at least 6 haystack sized Irishmen in their starting line ups (although most were born in England. Or Scotland. Or Wales. Or Azerbijan.) - and as a result of this, Ireland went to shite and didn’t qualify for anything else for 8 years.
The rule was soon scrapped though, because it contravened European law on freedom of movement in the workplace or something.
However, if it contravenes European law, then how do FIFA and UEFA plan to make it viable again? They’d have to have a new European Employment law ratified…in some sort of Referendum….hmmm…
IT’S IN THE FUCKING LISBON TREATY!!!*
VOTE NO!!!! YOUR COUNTRY NEEDS YOU!!!! TRAP NEEDS YOU!!!!
SAVE JOHN O’SHEA!!!!
*Editors note: may not actually be in the Lisbon Treaty
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[starts reading post in the vain hope that OneFor will make the fucking thing (a) comprehensible and (b) vaguely interesting, skips all the bits about football because she doesn't understand them, hoping there's a punchline to sway her, is disappointed]
voting no to avenge our eurovision disgrace made for a more compelling argument…
oooh. i like the lipsticked rabbit lobster icon thing.
I thought it was a wolf in gloves
“I was biting the top and bottom off the bar and sucking the scald up through the penguin ’straw’ that I had just created
That’s bloody horrible. What about bits - bits, man, bits? Soggy penguin bits bobbing in your tea making it look like a sewage disaster in a cup?
Oh and good luck on the Lisbon Treaty an’ that. Hope you make the right decision. What’s the general feeling do you think? Yea or nay?
The Irish players have been getting tossed outta the big premiership teams for the last while regardless though.
England national team is gone to sh!t also.
Sam, if someone from Offaly wants me to vote yes, I’ll vote no out of spite.
Thats how democracy works. Spite.
Yes is going to win man, it’s all about the FUD.
Footie? Bah. Yes to Lisbon.
I thought it was a reindeer with red antlers.
Using the penguin biscuit as a straw is a a variation on the Tim Tam Slam, a popular Australian practice that involves beverage sucking using a Tim Tam biscuit, (these biscuits are not unlike the penguin bar, hence the similarity)
That is all.
I don’t think much of Australians. They’re basically English people with bigger jaws and better tans.
And a sunnier disposition.
I think FIFA might make an allowance for Irish and Welsh players in the premiership as our domestic league is shit. However, if they don’t the Eircom League could get amazing and we wouldn’t have to export all our players that don’t have criminal records. But that just cloud talk.
I don’t like Australians, they sound tick
the talk about soccer made me skip most of this.
I tried reading through the lisbon treaty and couldn’t really find anything wrong with it.
It was a sunday morning and i was still drunk though.
Thanks for the read. You should check out http://www.OurPlaybook.com which is a new community for sports fans of both pro and college sports.
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